somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
