So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
