By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
