i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
