There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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