This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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