I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
