Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
