No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
