Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
