Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
