I'm gonna have a badass scar
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
