This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who died my cat blue again?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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