I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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