Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
