i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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