Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
