Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
