Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
