ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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