He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
