Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize