So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
