i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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