I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
