Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
