I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
