Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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