I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
