My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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