you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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