i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
