I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
