Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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