I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
