maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
