so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
