just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
