i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
