Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize