He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
