You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
