Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
