I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
