he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
