Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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