It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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