My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
