i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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