I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
