so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
