pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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