I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
