i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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