the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
