at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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