hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
