i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
