i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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