I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
