CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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