Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
