if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
