Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
