you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
