FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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