I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
