Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
