Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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