if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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