im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
FUCK WHALES
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize