***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
