I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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