I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
