Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
