We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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