I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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