i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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