I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
