we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
