I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
