I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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