Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
