Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
