just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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