remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
