She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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