Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize