Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
