I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
