the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
