I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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