Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
